Soalan

beb ape maksud org tu bila die tanya "lu kerja mane?"...
die tanye office lu kat mane ke...
atau die tanye name company lu ape...
confius beb....
gua asyik bagi jawapan silap je....
ade tak jawapan default yg bleh jawap soalan nie...

Ramadan

yeah im weak ... nothing new eh...same story different chapter....crap...
selamat berpuasa bitches!!!

Panacea

i wanted a perfect ending....now ive learned....the hard way....that some songs dont rhyme...and some stories dont have a clear beginning....middle....and end.....life is about not knowing....having to change.....taking the moment and making the best of it.....without knowing whats going to happen next.....delicious ambiguity...we are 12 billion light years from the edge.....thats a guess ...no one can ever say its true....but i know that i will never be a mere memory...

Eleven urgh

its all well and good to talk about happy endings....
but if a person cant deliver.....if she keeps screwing up....
well....
eventually i guess you kinda just have to say fuck you.....
or words to that effect....
squaring the circle my friend....
squaring the circle....

All hope is gone

there are various reason why an individual might habitually consume large quantities of alcohol.... but they all effectively boil down to same thing...
it almost 5 in the morning....it been a long day....the elevators are out of service.... so i had to climb the staircase... i dont know... it like hundred of steps.... i live in the eleventh floor for god sake.... im not counting... even though i try...i wont remember it anyway....my head blank from the whiskey...my mouth reeking from cigarettes.... drunk as i get.... im amazed myself for i can climb those step back to my apartment through the whiskey fog....a simple achievement...one has only to accept the fact of being drunk at the face value....no ifs ... ands... buts....only the statement i am drunk plain and simple...
the hallway was a dead silent...more silent than it suppose to be.... thats when i noticed the red pumps at my feet.... red pumps ive seen before...
she was slumped over the dining table....forehead on her arms....profile hidden by straight black hair...a patch of untanned white neckline showed between the strands of hair through the open sleeve of her print dress... one ive seen before... a glimpse of a brassiere strap....looking at her back called up memories...memories of time before ive met her...
"well then" ...i said to her...
as expected ...there were no reply...she should been asleep... should have been crying... or even worse dead...i sat down opposite her and rubbed my eyes...im still not sure...is this a hallucination....or real....maybe my eyes try to cheat me... projecting something that on my head try to make it real....
"want some coffee?" ...i asked her...still no reply....so i make 2 cups of instant coffee...while doing that i asked her again ....
"been here since last night?" ....an ever so slight nod of her head...this might be real... it not a figment of my imagination...to make sure i asked again...
"youve been waiting all this time?" ....no answer....the instant coffee are ready....so i set the 2 mugs on the table...
"drink" ...i said...try to start a conversation while being cool at the same time....still silence...
"be better if you drink something" ....
it was thirty seconds before she raised her head slowly.....evently....and gazed absently at the picture hanging on the wall....a few strands of hair lay plastered againt her dampened cheeks....an aura of wetness about her....
"dont mind me" ... she said...
"i didnt mean to cry" ....i held abox of tissues to her....she quietly blew her nose... and then brushed the hair from the cheek....
"actually... i planned on being gone by the time you returned....i didnt want to see you" .....
"but you changed your mind... i see" ...never been in this situation before...so i try to keep my cool...i lit 2 cigarettes....1 for me and another to her....
"i went to a funeral...when it was over...i went to bar" ...
"you dont need to explain anything to me" ...she said...
"im out of the picture already" .....
"im not explaining....im just making a conversation" ...
she shrugged and pushed her brassiere strap back inside her dress...her face has no expression...she asked me if the deceased is someone she knew....i told her that the dead is an acquaintance of sorts from years back....
"female" ...she asked again....
"ya" ...is my answer to that question...she pursed her lips...and then she relaxed...
she take another cigarette and lit it....she inhaled and spat out the smoke....3 times in rapid succession....she drank her coffee....after a while looked me in the face...
"tell me...if i died....would you go out drinking like that?" ... a pensive 60 seconds went by....
"maybe" ...that all i can say to her....honestly i didnt know how to react to that question....another 60 seconds went by....she finished her cigarette and her coffee....
"maybe it good enough for me" ....she packed her things....and before she go out the door she said...
"youre probably right" ....she toying with the lighter that i gave her...
"i come here to talk thing through...but i guess that not the point right now....is it?...i know well enough myself" ......
among the women a man meets in his life...there are only three who have real meaning for him....no more....no less....

Bad luck, blue eyes, goodbye

well....you shouldve called....i wouldnt have answered.....but you couldve text a message...which i wouldve quickly erased....

What make us different

berita sudah habis
18 ekor rimau
3 kupu kupu
bunga melati, abu, si matahari
masalah
nekad
obsessi
mencari 250 atau 350
niat sungguh suci
tapi
kesalahan yang dicipta
hati merah patah
itulah risiko
itulah beban
cuma
pengajaran belum di terima
yang normal
belum pasti mengerti
belum pasti menghargai
masih kabur
masih mentah
hati berdarah
jiwa berkecai
hanya mampu menilai
di waktu ini
di bawah pengaruh
masih kacau
2 pagi
mabuk lagi
tak akan ingat semua
bunga melati, abu, si matahari
teman sepi

STFU

why dont you go into the kitchen...and open the fridge....look in the back....all the way back....theres a can of coke...cold chillin....i want you to reach back there and take it...open it up and take a nice long drink....mmm...was good....wasnt it?...now i want you to look at the can and make sure its a 350ml can.....of Shut The Fuck Up.....

If you see kay

if you see kay...
you...
tell him he may...
you such a beach..
you...
see you and tea...
tell him from me...

it

Remorse

1. _____ are the last drink you never should drunk...
2. _____ is the body hidden in the trunk...
3. _____ is the habit you cant seem to quit...
4. _____ are my secrets on the front page every week...
5. _____ is the car you never should have bought...
6. _____ are the train you never should have caught...
7. _____ are the cut that makes me hide my face....
8. _____ are the party that makes me feel my age...

what is the difference between ignorance and apathy?....
i dont know and i dont care....

Heart

the tough thing about following your heart is what people forget to mention... that sometimes your heart takes you to places you shouldnt be.... places that are as scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring.....and sometimes your heart takes you to places that can never lead to a happy ending.....and thats not even the difficult part.....the difficult part is when you follow your heart....you leave normal....you go into the unknown....and once you do.....you can never go back.....

Romantic comedy

a few things ive learned on my travels through this crazy little thing called life....a morning of awkwardness is better than a night of loneliness.....

you know most people....they go their whole life and they never find someone they love you know?....they say they do because everybodys the star of their own romantic comedy....but their full of shit....you...me...him...everybody...we had women that loved us for who we were.....really loved us for who we were....and we fucked it up.....for what....some stupid piece of ass we forget about ten minutes later?......

do man are such a dog.?...

actual mathematical equations devoted to this popular question have suggested it is true...though not for the simple reasons you might think....

Sad

the saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad..... you know.... when sad tries to bite its lip and not cry and smile and go... "no... im happy for you?" thats when its really sad....

Unforced error

that day i met

a beatle
a spiderweb
a cherry blossom
a butterfly
a skull
and a tribal

all those things that werent supposed to happen?
they happened

the floodgates were expected to open
im sure the decision is in fact a correct decision but taken at a wrong time
what i like about this experience is
that it is such an honest thing
really?

you left me with
too small white gold ring
for what?

does nobody understand?
what happens next is up to me?

codeine . . . bourbon

does all hell break loose or will hell freeze over?

Secret

everbody has a secret world inside of them... all the people in the whole world... i mean everbody....no matter how dull or boring there are in the outside....inside them they all got unimaginable...not just one world...hundred of them ...thousand maybe....magnificent...wonderfull...stupid world....

Vain

youre so vain..
you probably think this post is about you...
youre so vain...
ill bet you think this post is about you...
dont you?..
dont you?...
some of the post it might be about you...
some may not...
some may seem it all about you...
but it about other people...
some may seem about other people...
but it definitely about you....
sometime it look like it about you...
but honestly it not....
it purely coincidence...
an honest mistake...
so chill out will ya....

Masterpiece

most of us have some hidden talent...some people can sing... some people can play music...some people good at math....some people are born athletic(but marathon it not a sport that need talent to be good....i write about this some other time)...some are good at drinking...some can do backflip and whatnot....mine is that im good at being a hypocrite.....i know that i am good at this...but this week im god...im so good even i believe it myself...hahaha....you should see me...im articulate...polite...funny...awesome...smart but not so smart...im likeable...im doing 180 man...those people worship me....if they know how i hate them.....loathe them...despise them...they would kill me....this week was my 4th ring for kobe...my treable for pep...my masterpiece...

Self-loathing

there is no right or wrong decision....only a consequences of that decision....i guess i dont like the consequences of my action very much right now....i need to get my shit together before it to late ....because i dont know what im doing half the time .... the other half im not so sure if i remember doing it.... but i do know this.... if i keep cracking joke....and taking another drink....and pretending that life is 1 stupid party....i will miss everthing....not everthing la.... some of it....a tiny litttle bit of what life is all about...

if you had another chance will you do it differently....well everbody say that... and its bullshit....cause you will do it just the same....

life is to fucking boring not to try......yeah....fuck that.....

Consultation

i dont know why i ask the question when i already know the answer but i wish i didnt.....the answer to the question.... although i may recall i didnt ask directly..... is within my own self....it a good solution....but i cant take it....thanks though...

Junkie

you know...
booze isnt really your drug of choice anyway....
youre addicted to chaos....
for some of us....
its coke.....
for some of us...
its bourbon.....
for some of us...
its x.....
but you?....
you got hooked on disaster....

Season/Series finale?

the original

the series started at 97... its run until 98 when the producer want to try something else... a lot of the original cast was changed after that...i watched it from the pilot until the season ended it 98... it was a good series.... a bunch of school leaver trying to adapt in a real world.....the chemistry between the cast were so good.... it make you think that the cast know each other long before the series started...but it a shame...most of the cast were changed for a new character...the series still air until now....but a lot have changed since 97.....now i watch a few episode of it... but i need to get to know some of the new character...which is kinda suck ...but gradually the series still have some good storyline to it....

stuck

this miniseries started in 98.... ive been watching it for almost 11 years....it tell a story about a different group of people stuck in a university....u got a nerd...a rebel...a slacker....a drama queen...the prom queen.... a jock.....a player...a bitch...all those group stuck together....it was good for the first half of the series...where there a lot of issues involve...it got some comedy...some action...the drama...the romantic....all of the genre were there....but after a few season ... the show become boring....the character have grown up...instead of showing all the fun the series had...it become a serious series...with an occasionally few fun ....most of the character in the series were married... only a few still single...which is the minorities....now the series theme are more to parenthood....it may be fun for some viewer but not to me...but lately there are some episode that was good.... it show some break up stuff...where some heart been broken...it also have some lesbian issues....and it also have an episode where the character bitching about another character....which is so much fun....other than that...it was the same old issues...im not sure wheter the series will continue or maybe the producer will have a spin-off for some of the character...

wasted

this was a fun show.... the show is all about partys...boozes...girls...drugs...and boozes....watching the show gave me some great moment....the episode where they throw one of the biggest party ever...where most of the cast were sooo wasted....then there was an episode when one of the character have 2 girlfriend at the same time....there also an episode when one of the cast were so wasted he became another person.....the show was a blast....the series started in 99....but i only saw the series in 03...at first i really hate the series.... some of the character were so fake....but eventually the series become better....by the end of 06 the show it not for me anymore....the writer dont have any new issues to write...so they start to create a romantic situation among the cast....the series is kinda Grey Anatomy but not....it become so predictable....

stoner

it a story about a group of stoner and 1 drug free dude...the show like a documentary.... showing all the process of gettin a hit...it like Weeds but it suckier than Weeds....i watch it for a couple of season...but right now i stop watching....

plan b

this is a new series that i watch.... it start in 01 but i religiously watch it in late 07....the show is like Lost...where u dont now what might happen in the next episode....u dont know what the show is all about... it have everything....but when im watching it sometime it felt like i dont belong to the show...because i dont know the history and the relationship between the cast...so it felt awkward sometime...but sometime kinda a feel good about it because not knowing make it a lot more fun.....this last few episode... the show kinda lost it spark...i dont know what happen ... but maybe the producer trying to go a different direction...maybe to capture a few more audience....some of the character are growing up.... move on to a different level...some are trying to grow up ...some become a different person...some even lost their cool.....the show become bleak and boring....maybe it just a while...i need to watch a few more episode to make my mind....

this is a review from one tv addict.

Getting close

here we are...all of us....basically alone...separate creatures just circling each other...all searching for that slightest hint of a real connection....some look in the wrong places....some.. they just give up hope because in their mind...theyre thinking "oh...theres nobody out there for me"....but all of us... we keep trying....over and over again.....why?...because.... every once in a while... every once in a while.... people meet....and theres that spark.... and yes...dude...they handsome... and they beautiful...they weird...they brutal...they ugly... and maybe thats all they see at first.... but getting to know other... thats when a group of people become one..... although it is scientifically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space..... but whats important is we try.....and when we do it right... we get close..... to what?... breaking the laws of physics?....a miracle?.....nah ... i dont know....but we get close to something....

I have seen the fnords

maybe it POS...
maybe deep in my mind i want to see it...
maybe it true ....
maybe im making it true so i would believe it....
maybe it was stage....
maybe it exist...
maybe it just apophenia....
maybe it just pareidolia....
maybe im paranoid....
maybe im thinking to much...
maybe im right....
maybe im wrong...
and maybe i have seen the fnords....

In my defence

remove everything pointless from an imperfect life and it'd lose even its imperfection.im free fallin.i wanna fall into nothing,i wanna leave this world for a while.

basically what the message mean is that everybody life suck...and if we ignore those flaw...the life itself would be meaningless....would be nothing....and once in awhile we want to escape .... and people do whatever it takes to break from the loop for just a moment....im not very sure about the true meaning of the message.....this is want i think what is supposed to means.... maybe at the very moment it have some profound or some deep explanation....but i dont remember...what im so sure that this message is not a...

cry for help...
an invitation for mano e mano session...
attention whore alert....
some corny hook up or pick up line...
definitely not a suicide note.....