Bodoh

how come dumb stuff seems so smart while youre doing it...
gampang

God mode

most of the stories in this life have that much in common...the place they arrive at in the end was not the place i was expecting them to go when i set out...sometimes the only way i would know that a story had finished was when there werent any more words to be written down....
the story i thought i was setting out to write was more shorter...much more fablelike....and it not end like that...i dont know how it did end originally anymore...there was some kind of ending.....but once the story was underway the real ending become inevitable....

Nine nine nine

because we do not know when we will die....
we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well....
and yet everything happens only a certain number of times.....
and a very small number really....
how many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood....
an afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you cannot conceive of your life without it?...
perhaps four....
or five times more?....
perhaps not even that.....
how many more times will you watch the full moon rise?....
perhaps twenty.....
and yet it all seems limitless...

fuck yeah....damnit....nothing happen....

Mirror

they appear to tell the truth...
to reflect life back at us...
but...
set a mirror correctly...
and it will lie so convincinly...
angle it right....
and a mirror become magic casement...
it can show you anything you can imagine and maybe a few thing you cant....

Soalan

beb ape maksud org tu bila die tanya "lu kerja mane?"...
die tanye office lu kat mane ke...
atau die tanye name company lu ape...
confius beb....
gua asyik bagi jawapan silap je....
ade tak jawapan default yg bleh jawap soalan nie...

Ramadan

yeah im weak ... nothing new eh...same story different chapter....crap...
selamat berpuasa bitches!!!

Panacea

i wanted a perfect ending....now ive learned....the hard way....that some songs dont rhyme...and some stories dont have a clear beginning....middle....and end.....life is about not knowing....having to change.....taking the moment and making the best of it.....without knowing whats going to happen next.....delicious ambiguity...we are 12 billion light years from the edge.....thats a guess ...no one can ever say its true....but i know that i will never be a mere memory...

Eleven urgh

its all well and good to talk about happy endings....
but if a person cant deliver.....if she keeps screwing up....
well....
eventually i guess you kinda just have to say fuck you.....
or words to that effect....
squaring the circle my friend....
squaring the circle....

All hope is gone

there are various reason why an individual might habitually consume large quantities of alcohol.... but they all effectively boil down to same thing...
it almost 5 in the morning....it been a long day....the elevators are out of service.... so i had to climb the staircase... i dont know... it like hundred of steps.... i live in the eleventh floor for god sake.... im not counting... even though i try...i wont remember it anyway....my head blank from the whiskey...my mouth reeking from cigarettes.... drunk as i get.... im amazed myself for i can climb those step back to my apartment through the whiskey fog....a simple achievement...one has only to accept the fact of being drunk at the face value....no ifs ... ands... buts....only the statement i am drunk plain and simple...
the hallway was a dead silent...more silent than it suppose to be.... thats when i noticed the red pumps at my feet.... red pumps ive seen before...
she was slumped over the dining table....forehead on her arms....profile hidden by straight black hair...a patch of untanned white neckline showed between the strands of hair through the open sleeve of her print dress... one ive seen before... a glimpse of a brassiere strap....looking at her back called up memories...memories of time before ive met her...
"well then" ...i said to her...
as expected ...there were no reply...she should been asleep... should have been crying... or even worse dead...i sat down opposite her and rubbed my eyes...im still not sure...is this a hallucination....or real....maybe my eyes try to cheat me... projecting something that on my head try to make it real....
"want some coffee?" ...i asked her...still no reply....so i make 2 cups of instant coffee...while doing that i asked her again ....
"been here since last night?" ....an ever so slight nod of her head...this might be real... it not a figment of my imagination...to make sure i asked again...
"youve been waiting all this time?" ....no answer....the instant coffee are ready....so i set the 2 mugs on the table...
"drink" ...i said...try to start a conversation while being cool at the same time....still silence...
"be better if you drink something" ....
it was thirty seconds before she raised her head slowly.....evently....and gazed absently at the picture hanging on the wall....a few strands of hair lay plastered againt her dampened cheeks....an aura of wetness about her....
"dont mind me" ... she said...
"i didnt mean to cry" ....i held abox of tissues to her....she quietly blew her nose... and then brushed the hair from the cheek....
"actually... i planned on being gone by the time you returned....i didnt want to see you" .....
"but you changed your mind... i see" ...never been in this situation before...so i try to keep my cool...i lit 2 cigarettes....1 for me and another to her....
"i went to a funeral...when it was over...i went to bar" ...
"you dont need to explain anything to me" ...she said...
"im out of the picture already" .....
"im not explaining....im just making a conversation" ...
she shrugged and pushed her brassiere strap back inside her dress...her face has no expression...she asked me if the deceased is someone she knew....i told her that the dead is an acquaintance of sorts from years back....
"female" ...she asked again....
"ya" ...is my answer to that question...she pursed her lips...and then she relaxed...
she take another cigarette and lit it....she inhaled and spat out the smoke....3 times in rapid succession....she drank her coffee....after a while looked me in the face...
"tell me...if i died....would you go out drinking like that?" ... a pensive 60 seconds went by....
"maybe" ...that all i can say to her....honestly i didnt know how to react to that question....another 60 seconds went by....she finished her cigarette and her coffee....
"maybe it good enough for me" ....she packed her things....and before she go out the door she said...
"youre probably right" ....she toying with the lighter that i gave her...
"i come here to talk thing through...but i guess that not the point right now....is it?...i know well enough myself" ......
among the women a man meets in his life...there are only three who have real meaning for him....no more....no less....

Bad luck, blue eyes, goodbye

well....you shouldve called....i wouldnt have answered.....but you couldve text a message...which i wouldve quickly erased....

What make us different

berita sudah habis
18 ekor rimau
3 kupu kupu
bunga melati, abu, si matahari
masalah
nekad
obsessi
mencari 250 atau 350
niat sungguh suci
tapi
kesalahan yang dicipta
hati merah patah
itulah risiko
itulah beban
cuma
pengajaran belum di terima
yang normal
belum pasti mengerti
belum pasti menghargai
masih kabur
masih mentah
hati berdarah
jiwa berkecai
hanya mampu menilai
di waktu ini
di bawah pengaruh
masih kacau
2 pagi
mabuk lagi
tak akan ingat semua
bunga melati, abu, si matahari
teman sepi

STFU

why dont you go into the kitchen...and open the fridge....look in the back....all the way back....theres a can of coke...cold chillin....i want you to reach back there and take it...open it up and take a nice long drink....mmm...was good....wasnt it?...now i want you to look at the can and make sure its a 350ml can.....of Shut The Fuck Up.....

If you see kay

if you see kay...
you...
tell him he may...
you such a beach..
you...
see you and tea...
tell him from me...

it

Remorse

1. _____ are the last drink you never should drunk...
2. _____ is the body hidden in the trunk...
3. _____ is the habit you cant seem to quit...
4. _____ are my secrets on the front page every week...
5. _____ is the car you never should have bought...
6. _____ are the train you never should have caught...
7. _____ are the cut that makes me hide my face....
8. _____ are the party that makes me feel my age...

what is the difference between ignorance and apathy?....
i dont know and i dont care....

Heart

the tough thing about following your heart is what people forget to mention... that sometimes your heart takes you to places you shouldnt be.... places that are as scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring.....and sometimes your heart takes you to places that can never lead to a happy ending.....and thats not even the difficult part.....the difficult part is when you follow your heart....you leave normal....you go into the unknown....and once you do.....you can never go back.....

Romantic comedy

a few things ive learned on my travels through this crazy little thing called life....a morning of awkwardness is better than a night of loneliness.....

you know most people....they go their whole life and they never find someone they love you know?....they say they do because everybodys the star of their own romantic comedy....but their full of shit....you...me...him...everybody...we had women that loved us for who we were.....really loved us for who we were....and we fucked it up.....for what....some stupid piece of ass we forget about ten minutes later?......

do man are such a dog.?...

actual mathematical equations devoted to this popular question have suggested it is true...though not for the simple reasons you might think....

Sad

the saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad..... you know.... when sad tries to bite its lip and not cry and smile and go... "no... im happy for you?" thats when its really sad....

Unforced error

that day i met

a beatle
a spiderweb
a cherry blossom
a butterfly
a skull
and a tribal

all those things that werent supposed to happen?
they happened

the floodgates were expected to open
im sure the decision is in fact a correct decision but taken at a wrong time
what i like about this experience is
that it is such an honest thing
really?

you left me with
too small white gold ring
for what?

does nobody understand?
what happens next is up to me?

codeine . . . bourbon

does all hell break loose or will hell freeze over?

Secret

everbody has a secret world inside of them... all the people in the whole world... i mean everbody....no matter how dull or boring there are in the outside....inside them they all got unimaginable...not just one world...hundred of them ...thousand maybe....magnificent...wonderfull...stupid world....

Vain

youre so vain..
you probably think this post is about you...
youre so vain...
ill bet you think this post is about you...
dont you?..
dont you?...
some of the post it might be about you...
some may not...
some may seem it all about you...
but it about other people...
some may seem about other people...
but it definitely about you....
sometime it look like it about you...
but honestly it not....
it purely coincidence...
an honest mistake...
so chill out will ya....

Masterpiece

most of us have some hidden talent...some people can sing... some people can play music...some people good at math....some people are born athletic(but marathon it not a sport that need talent to be good....i write about this some other time)...some are good at drinking...some can do backflip and whatnot....mine is that im good at being a hypocrite.....i know that i am good at this...but this week im god...im so good even i believe it myself...hahaha....you should see me...im articulate...polite...funny...awesome...smart but not so smart...im likeable...im doing 180 man...those people worship me....if they know how i hate them.....loathe them...despise them...they would kill me....this week was my 4th ring for kobe...my treable for pep...my masterpiece...

Self-loathing

there is no right or wrong decision....only a consequences of that decision....i guess i dont like the consequences of my action very much right now....i need to get my shit together before it to late ....because i dont know what im doing half the time .... the other half im not so sure if i remember doing it.... but i do know this.... if i keep cracking joke....and taking another drink....and pretending that life is 1 stupid party....i will miss everthing....not everthing la.... some of it....a tiny litttle bit of what life is all about...

if you had another chance will you do it differently....well everbody say that... and its bullshit....cause you will do it just the same....

life is to fucking boring not to try......yeah....fuck that.....

Consultation

i dont know why i ask the question when i already know the answer but i wish i didnt.....the answer to the question.... although i may recall i didnt ask directly..... is within my own self....it a good solution....but i cant take it....thanks though...

Junkie

you know...
booze isnt really your drug of choice anyway....
youre addicted to chaos....
for some of us....
its coke.....
for some of us...
its bourbon.....
for some of us...
its x.....
but you?....
you got hooked on disaster....