Petroglyph

always a bridesmaid never a bride

Hope

are you here to punish us men?....
you got all the quality for us to fall into....
do you were created by pure hatred?...
but you come out beautiful....
this "beautiful evil" were offering seductive gifts....
and they name you ....
all-gifted....
sometime ....
your deceitful feminine nature become least of my worry...
although...
your purpose is to multiply all the trouble....
for you who bring with you a pithos....
at first....
i did not want to throw my life away....
no matter how much the other evils might torment me...
but rather to go on letting myself be tormented anew....
then....
to that end....
you promptly scattered the contents of your pithos....
releasing all the evil of mankind....
but one is left behind.....
elpis....
for a moment elpis was left within her unbreakable house...
before long...
elpis carrying flowers or cornucopia in her hands....
in truth......
it is the most evil of evils because it prolongs my torment....
it dont matter ....
either out of curiosity or malicious act....
yes....
you are anesidora....

White

hi....
can you do me a big favor and just slap me and walk with disgust?....
please....

Free

i wanna smoke cigarette in my sleep...
i wanna drink until my liver cry...
i wanna capture all those moment...
i wanna remembered all those line...
i wanna watch every sunrise on an old bench at the quiet beach...
i wanna read until my finger bleed....
i wanna sleep until im bored....
i wanna hang out until my buntut say fuck off....
i wanna play all video games whenever i want....
i wanna chill everywhere ....
i wanna live in that moment over and over again....
it sound stupid.....but why not?......
i wanna write a song....
when the sky is empty and the earth is dry....
im pouring my passion for you.....
make you crazy and make you thirsty....
i want the whole world to know youre mine....
the weather gone mad and the see is boiling....
that why i want to seize the day....
stop wasting time.....
and be a dream chaser....
an angel like you...
should have wing and name....
should have fatal beauty...
should belong for me once....
the ends of the world scare me not.....
i will keep enjoying myself....
cause creating you make me less piss off.....

Wish

dont know why midori came by...
but i could see by the look in her eyes....
midori been drinking at laundry for a while....
playing with the thought of leaving..
dont know why but midori just smiled..
and mentioned something about how you were right..
must have been hard to see through the tears she was hiding...
she said "i might not be seeing him soon"...
"i have got a few things i have been waiting to do"...
midori came by tonight...
she says to say goodbye...
looked outside at the car in the drive...
and the suitcase on the back seat inside...
sure its so she cant look out behind at the road...
dont look down she seemed alright...
you might be asking where is midori tonight?....
somewhere out on the highway im sure she is fine....

Fundamentally Loathsome

do you dream that the world will know your name?.... so tell me your name...and do you care about all the little thing or anything at all?...hope you dont....i want to feel all the chemical inside ... i wanna feel... i want to know how it feel to be .25 ....i want a sunburn just to know that im alive....not be zombie without control and feeling ....and that why i have dark skin color....i wanna live just to seize the day when we all get along....i wanna scream ... scream my hatred out loud for everyone to hear....and knowing how screw up i am.....do you believe in the day that you were born? ... please tell me you believe....do you know that everyday is the first of the rest of your life?....i just figure it out recently....and you know the pain that brought you here today ... so what can you fucking do?....and you know the tears for losing those you love .. when yesterday gone....so please remember not to waste another day .... not to worry your mind....dont be a pussy to cash in the winning lottery...and please forgive me for taking so much time ... to get back on my feet....im not sorry for the thing ive done .... but for wasting your time....when you have so much hope in me....what you dont realize is that im always a low-life-scumbag-loser-jerk-man-on-the-side not a update-in-thing-current-issues-classy-default-pretentious-prick that you want me to be....and i will fight it out cause i know i can...and i will sleep tight cause i know i can....i wont surrender....and Dr please dont tell me if im dying ... cause i dont wanna know....if cant see the sun maybe i should go....and dont wake me up because im dreaming of slutty pumpkin....where everyone you know are leaving to soon....

this is to one last day in a shadow ... and to know a brother love...
this to california city angel ... and the crazy people that she met....
this to all of us....

Tired

flat on the floor looking back...
on old life...
or lack thereof...
after all the crushes are faded...
and all my wishful thinking was wrong...
im jaded...
i hate it....
no im not the man i used to be lately....
see you met me at an interesting time...
if my past is any sign of your future...
you should be warned before i let you inside...
damn...
its kinda hard trying to survive...
in all this crazy weather...
everybody wants my number...
everybody calling my name ...
now all of these people ask me...
is it lonely at the top...
or do I find comfort in all the things I got...
well these car keep me moving...
these wine keep me high...
friends.... check...
money....check...
good times... check...
entertainment... check...
all... check...
all of you.... check...
everyone.... check...
having fun....check...
and i dont know what it is...
no i dont know what it is at all??...
something missing.....
but all I feel alone...
it might be a quarter life crisis....
or just the stirring in my soul ....
so i will check the weather wherever you are...
cause i wanna know if you can see the stars tonight...
might be my only right...
should have smiled in that picture....
if its the last that i will see of you...
its the least that you...
could not do...
i guess its the price i have to pay...
still ....
everything happens for a reason...
3 more traffic light to my apartment but...
i am tempted to keep the car in drive....
and leave it all behind....

you be a bitch because you can....

Levant Epiphany

have you ever been in dupdvwxv?... horrible isnt it?... it makes you so vulnerable.... it opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up..... you build up all these defenses..... you build up a whole armor... for years... so nothing can hurt you... then one stupid person... no different from any other stupid person... wanders into your stupid life... you give them a piece of you.... they didnt ask for it.... they did something dumb one day... like kiss you or smile at you....and then your life isnt your own anymore..... dupdvwxv takes hostages.... it gets inside you..... it eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness.... so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart..... it hurts..... not just in the imagination..... not just in the mind..... its a soul-hurt.... a body-hurt.... a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain..... nothing should be able to do that..... especially not dupdvwxv....

abstain eleventh chippy!!!

Verb

in vietnamese...
trong == to think high of, to hold in esteem....
yeah rite....
but in reality...
or in a parallel universe...
it more suitable for this...
trong == totally and utterly fucked up,things are really fucked up...

my life definition is not like throwing a dice in a Lord of The Ring Risk board game ....
but like an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room .....
with blank cards .....
for infinite stakes ....
with a dealer who wont tell you the rules ....
and who smiles all the time ....

im tronged .....

Antipathy

i know...
days will come and go...
but dude we will grow old...
but we will die...
for now...
is it worth it to be sad...
if it's harder to be glad...
to be alive...

but the trouble i have caused...
i wonder....
where do i belong....
is it here?....

laugh about the past...
and secretly...
wish we could go back...
and save the heart....
as i look around this room...
seeing worried eyes i know....
its time we cannot buy....
was this worth the time to write....

Desire

hanging out at idaman
the same old thing we did last week
not a thing to do but talk to you

hisap shisa dengan gigi
the aircond suck but we dont care
some will gone but lepak live on
hell yeah

we still rocking in idaman
we're all alright
we're all alright
yeah, haha, oh

play gin rummy untill 4 pagi
loser nye die kena jentik banyak kali

not a thing to do but talk to you
not a thing to do hell yeah
we still rocking in idaman
we're all alright
we're all alright
yeah,oh yeah,oh yeah

menyanyi ikut lagu thats 70s show by Cheap Trick

Rebel

one thing which makes us find so few people who appear reasonable and agreeable in conversation is.... that there is scarcely any one who does not think more of what he is about to say than of answering precisely what is said to him.....what the topic of our conversation when we hangout....what we talk about....i have this set of "friend" that i usually hang out with...we talk about everthing...our past...our litle problem....what we do over the weekend...where we want to go for holiday...we talk about ghost and porn...we talk about who we hate the most...we talk about people who are really annoying and stuff .... basicly we talk about everthing and anything .... that does matter in our pathetic life... which for me was awesome... and fun ....and amazing....and original... but i do have another set of "friend" who talk about current issues....political status in our country and stuff... they talk about the in thing in the news...where this people take the mainstream opinion and discuss it over dinner... they talk about the family and the marriage realtionship... cause most of them are married... and i felt out of place in the conversation...because some of us... the minority are not into that kind of shit yet... so please be reasonable ok ... we are there to.... i also have this set of "friends" who talk about their accomplishment in life... dont be wrong im happy for your success...but do you need to fight among yourself....who have the best job... who have the biggest salary... who have the cool car...who have the beautiful wife/girlfriend... who have the expensive iron.... you guys being doing this thing for a long time .... dont you guy get tired of it .... if you really want to brag because that your thing.... because that your adrenaline rush... why dont you guy fight who are the biggest asshole in the group....fuck face....there another set of "friend" who i use to hangout with them... but we dont see each other much.... recently we met and hangout ...and it was like hello, darkness, my old "friend"... hahaha... it was peculiar....this people that i used to know are totally in a different shell....they not in the same shell that i know them...i was like in the time of chimpanzees i was a monkey... or in the time of monkey i was a chimpanzees .... they change for god sake.... and i dont...and that was disturbing....the guy that used to be a punkster...is a clean cut guy....no more piercing... no more boot...and he have hair...the guy who used to be a black metal hardcore fan ... is no longer have long hair.... no more black nail polish .... no more dimmu borgir t-shirt...the gut who used to be a tupac shakur fanatic....is no longer talk about gansta rap and shit... this is from a guy who can recite the whole lyric of tupac shakur song without even blink....and this one guy who used to worship rage againt the machine ..... is no longer talk about freedom... no longer talk about this fucked up system .... i was shock to see this changes happen... from a group of people that used to break a rule for a sake of breaking a rule.... just for fun of it ... this was a group of people who get into the system to prove that the system is wrong....but what happen in 10 years....they change...they said "it not me againt the world anymore"... i was stunned ... for me it still me againt the world... were this group of people change so drasticly that they become another set of my "friend"...talking bout current issues and brag about stuff...but no they only change in their shell but not in their heart....their still bleed rebel...they talk about nationalist....socialist....communism....they talk about cuba....about how they worship north korea...about the different between islamic political system in turkey and malaysia... they talk about prevention of bribery in indonesia.... how SBJ mastermind the plan ... they talk about ghandi and the form of pakistan and bangladesh....they talk about thing that i dont have a clue about it but yet im interested and curius...there i understand ... only the shell change not the soul .... i still have hope....and still have a "friend"....

Deep

i fear that i will always be
a lonely number like root three
a three is all that's good and right
why must my three keep out of sight
beneath a vicious square root sign
i wish instead i were a nine
for nine could thwart this evil trick
with just some quick arithmetic
i know i'll never see the sum, as 1.7321
such is my reality, a sad irrationality
when hark! what is this i see
another square root of a three
has quietly come waltzing by
together now we multiply
to form a number we prefer
rejoicing as an integer
we break free from our mortal bonds
and with a wave of magic wands
our square root signs become unglued
and love for me has been renewed

The Square Root of 3 by David Feinberg

im disturbed yet curious.....

Joke

skating uphill is awesome...
it weird ...
but amazing...
years of gliding downhill and pushing uphill...
and now its suddenly gliding both way....
its like going from C to Python...
you dont realize how much time you spending on the boring parts...
until you dont have to do it anymore....
but coding C or assembly make you a better programmer....
maybe the boring part build character...
yeah...
but it depend on how you want to spend your life....

life a waste of time... time a waste of life so lets all get wasted and have the time of our life....

Comfortable

you not the people im hanging out with..
you not the person im asking a favor...
you not even the guy that i talk to....
you not even a dude on my hate list ...
you dont even deserve my hypocrite....

it doesnt matter what you did...
it doesnt matter what i felt...
what matter is that you did something...
and for that thing i wont forget....
waiting for a right time to return the favor......

Bebel from another me to me

with my 11 days off...
my good time and my stage fright...
in another night...
where the lights are loud and bright....
one dream from waking up saved....
too shy to hold in the rage ... i hope that was a wrong line....
i know no luxury....
of knowing what your eyes read....
i know one million ways ... yes i do...
to always pick the wrong thing to say....
a love that you never gave....
i told you i always a time zone away....
dude its not out of spite....
i just know whats right....
sometimes a memory....
only sees what it wants to believe....
and whats filled in between....
are days and nights that dont ever mean a thing ... you know they dont...
it such a simple suicide...
some people call it a second chance that they never tried...
what i want you to understand....
sometime i need a helping hand...
so you think that youve seen it all....
is that a fact?....
so out your mouth a dictionary....
spouts about this and that...
you got your dos, your donts...
your because and your why....
i dont trust that motherfucker too...
who dont take their own advice....