My maxis

if i call and she pick up and we talk for a long time

that would be high

if i call and it goes to voice mail

that give me some hope

if i call and it didnt get through

it hurts for a while

if i call and she pick up and then she hung up on me

that when gravity kick in

if i call and she pick up and we talk and then she hung up

that would be akward

if i call and she pick up and we talk and then i hung up on her

then i need to go

if i call and she pick up and put me on hold because the is another call coming through

it like slap in the face

if she call

that would be near imposible

if the phone doesnt ring....its me

Some question

if you should ask me where ive been all this time...i have to say "things happen"....i hit the floor again...ive open up to suffering... and that's the sad truth...feeling are disturbing...had i done the right thing by telling?...who wanted the right thing anyway...yet what meaning could there be if nothing was right?...if nothing was fair?...its easier to regret your awkward conversations but hard to regret the ones you didnt have...ive always done whatever i felt like doing in life...people may try to stop me...and convince me im wrong...but i wont change...while i was staring at the sun....you took everthing...and now im dumb...

ask me where i have been and i will tell you “things keep on happening”...i dwell on places i should forget....im longing the things that i dont have...i stuck in infinite loop of rerun of old series...watching fucking tv all the time makes a fool...it turns out wanting something doesnt make it real....no matter how elaborately you fool yourself....

if you question me..am i ok?....i want to say yes....and then reality kick in...so the answer is no....but im working on it...once upon a time i was so high...but then ive been low...and it ok...for a while...you know...i just get so lonely sometimes...i need a hug for a moment and the moment passes... and im good....

if you should ask me do i have regret?...i tell you...queen takes jack...you got me this time but ill get you back.... so pick a number...and if i had an offer to be better id decline...and if it were more awful to consider id be fine...and if it were all my fault... that im that...and ive pined and ive

regretted that i aided and abetted... this end and if it isnt...it will be soon you bet it will be ....and the tapes are in the fire.... go to bed because im tired ...of saying it is done ....because ive always been a liar.....and if it were all my fault that im bitter...

ask me about my love life? i have to say "two people can sleep in the same bed and still be alone when they close their eyes"....she ask to many question...most of it i cant answer...i ask her the same...and she also dont have solution to the question...she said one thing...i said another...the next thing i knew i wanted to spend more time in the middle of that conversation...but then there’s the morning after...a hangover...and the realization that we not quite as available as

we thought we were the night before....mistakes were made...hearts were broken...harsh lessons learned...and like that....poooff....

if you should ask me what change?...nothing change...and that the fucking problem...