Self-loathing

there is no right or wrong decision....only a consequences of that decision....i guess i dont like the consequences of my action very much right now....i need to get my shit together before it to late ....because i dont know what im doing half the time .... the other half im not so sure if i remember doing it.... but i do know this.... if i keep cracking joke....and taking another drink....and pretending that life is 1 stupid party....i will miss everthing....not everthing la.... some of it....a tiny litttle bit of what life is all about...

if you had another chance will you do it differently....well everbody say that... and its bullshit....cause you will do it just the same....

life is to fucking boring not to try......yeah....fuck that.....

Consultation

i dont know why i ask the question when i already know the answer but i wish i didnt.....the answer to the question.... although i may recall i didnt ask directly..... is within my own self....it a good solution....but i cant take it....thanks though...

Junkie

you know...
booze isnt really your drug of choice anyway....
youre addicted to chaos....
for some of us....
its coke.....
for some of us...
its bourbon.....
for some of us...
its x.....
but you?....
you got hooked on disaster....

Season/Series finale?

the original

the series started at 97... its run until 98 when the producer want to try something else... a lot of the original cast was changed after that...i watched it from the pilot until the season ended it 98... it was a good series.... a bunch of school leaver trying to adapt in a real world.....the chemistry between the cast were so good.... it make you think that the cast know each other long before the series started...but it a shame...most of the cast were changed for a new character...the series still air until now....but a lot have changed since 97.....now i watch a few episode of it... but i need to get to know some of the new character...which is kinda suck ...but gradually the series still have some good storyline to it....

stuck

this miniseries started in 98.... ive been watching it for almost 11 years....it tell a story about a different group of people stuck in a university....u got a nerd...a rebel...a slacker....a drama queen...the prom queen.... a jock.....a player...a bitch...all those group stuck together....it was good for the first half of the series...where there a lot of issues involve...it got some comedy...some action...the drama...the romantic....all of the genre were there....but after a few season ... the show become boring....the character have grown up...instead of showing all the fun the series had...it become a serious series...with an occasionally few fun ....most of the character in the series were married... only a few still single...which is the minorities....now the series theme are more to parenthood....it may be fun for some viewer but not to me...but lately there are some episode that was good.... it show some break up stuff...where some heart been broken...it also have some lesbian issues....and it also have an episode where the character bitching about another character....which is so much fun....other than that...it was the same old issues...im not sure wheter the series will continue or maybe the producer will have a spin-off for some of the character...

wasted

this was a fun show.... the show is all about partys...boozes...girls...drugs...and boozes....watching the show gave me some great moment....the episode where they throw one of the biggest party ever...where most of the cast were sooo wasted....then there was an episode when one of the character have 2 girlfriend at the same time....there also an episode when one of the cast were so wasted he became another person.....the show was a blast....the series started in 99....but i only saw the series in 03...at first i really hate the series.... some of the character were so fake....but eventually the series become better....by the end of 06 the show it not for me anymore....the writer dont have any new issues to write...so they start to create a romantic situation among the cast....the series is kinda Grey Anatomy but not....it become so predictable....

stoner

it a story about a group of stoner and 1 drug free dude...the show like a documentary.... showing all the process of gettin a hit...it like Weeds but it suckier than Weeds....i watch it for a couple of season...but right now i stop watching....

plan b

this is a new series that i watch.... it start in 01 but i religiously watch it in late 07....the show is like Lost...where u dont now what might happen in the next episode....u dont know what the show is all about... it have everything....but when im watching it sometime it felt like i dont belong to the show...because i dont know the history and the relationship between the cast...so it felt awkward sometime...but sometime kinda a feel good about it because not knowing make it a lot more fun.....this last few episode... the show kinda lost it spark...i dont know what happen ... but maybe the producer trying to go a different direction...maybe to capture a few more audience....some of the character are growing up.... move on to a different level...some are trying to grow up ...some become a different person...some even lost their cool.....the show become bleak and boring....maybe it just a while...i need to watch a few more episode to make my mind....

this is a review from one tv addict.

Getting close

here we are...all of us....basically alone...separate creatures just circling each other...all searching for that slightest hint of a real connection....some look in the wrong places....some.. they just give up hope because in their mind...theyre thinking "oh...theres nobody out there for me"....but all of us... we keep trying....over and over again.....why?...because.... every once in a while... every once in a while.... people meet....and theres that spark.... and yes...dude...they handsome... and they beautiful...they weird...they brutal...they ugly... and maybe thats all they see at first.... but getting to know other... thats when a group of people become one..... although it is scientifically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space..... but whats important is we try.....and when we do it right... we get close..... to what?... breaking the laws of physics?....a miracle?.....nah ... i dont know....but we get close to something....

I have seen the fnords

maybe it POS...
maybe deep in my mind i want to see it...
maybe it true ....
maybe im making it true so i would believe it....
maybe it was stage....
maybe it exist...
maybe it just apophenia....
maybe it just pareidolia....
maybe im paranoid....
maybe im thinking to much...
maybe im right....
maybe im wrong...
and maybe i have seen the fnords....

In my defence

remove everything pointless from an imperfect life and it'd lose even its imperfection.im free fallin.i wanna fall into nothing,i wanna leave this world for a while.

basically what the message mean is that everybody life suck...and if we ignore those flaw...the life itself would be meaningless....would be nothing....and once in awhile we want to escape .... and people do whatever it takes to break from the loop for just a moment....im not very sure about the true meaning of the message.....this is want i think what is supposed to means.... maybe at the very moment it have some profound or some deep explanation....but i dont remember...what im so sure that this message is not a...

cry for help...
an invitation for mano e mano session...
attention whore alert....
some corny hook up or pick up line...
definitely not a suicide note.....