Veisalgia

To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible....

i was at this bar right.... trying to have some fun while it still open .... all the normal stuff ... get wasted ... have some buzz ... couple of fight ... get rejected... you know thing people do before the bar is closed .... then out of nowhere something attract me ... something exquisite ... stunning ... ravishing ..... i try to analyse it from far ... try to get a glimpse what it look like ... got intimated at first ... the voice inside my head tell me it just a temporary .... a cache .... volatile ... but im drawn to this ... so i get closer ... to figure it out what is this thing .... it spell Absinthe ..... damnnnn .... it something that ive been looking for .... i was on seven heaven .... i was elated .... i find something that i need ... something that suited me ... it perfect like a glove .... but i got this mixed feeling .... there is no turning back if i take this Absinthe .... the after effect is devastating .... either it give me euphoria or catastrophic feeling ....haihhhhhhhhh ... so i wait ... make some reaserch about this Absinthe ... try to find more ... the more i wait the more i want it .... it killing me .... im start to do stupid thing .... hold the bottle .... see it from a different view ....read the content like it was a text book ... those kind of thing .... i also get envious when other people have it .... it stress me out ... after a while ... cant stand it anymore .... made my desicion .... i prepared for the worst case scenario and stuff .... i set my expectation low .... taking my own advise... i got a taste of Absinthe ... it was good ... it better that good .... i feel free ... i feel relieved .... after all the waiting ... but it last for a second .... because there a twist .... im too ready for the worst case .... i got blitz from other scenario .... something that im not prepare .... something anomaly .... something out of ordinary ... something that only a cool drink can gave you ... im dazed ... dont know how to deal with this feeling ... not sure what the next step ..... either left it there and never coming back .... untill time tell ... or be cool about it .... the problem with the latter, what if i crave for another taste .... what if im addicted to it .... aint it back to the beginning? .... crap.... still doesnt have an answer for that .... can i live in denial? ... am i cool enough? ... questions I know the answers to I don't need to ask, right?.... haihhhhhhhhhhh....

i dont know what the next step .... i dont know what the future might hold ... maybe tomorrow wasnt really something to think about.... and let fate decide it otherwise .... whatever happen im glad i taste this Absinthe ... im grateful that i made this mistake ... i have no regret .... it a beautiful mistake ... it a great ride ... although it a shame it have to stop ... but im happy that i get a taste before the bar is close ... i like to think that i made something right after all those fucked up thing ive done since the the bar is open ... still have the hangover to prove it ....whatever happen after this, only one thing im sure of .... Absinthe will always be my constant.... it may sound pathetic ...it may sound ridiculous... but a night like this it not something you can forget.... it gonna live with you through out your life..... six number one more to dial............

what the word for feeling guilty, relieved, proud and obsolete all at the same time