Friends

what the real definition?...
mine ... is just a couple people you comfortable with...
to learn it from other ...
open my mind a little bit ...
but im still a misanthrope....
it doesnt not change much ...
well, I do things you know....
stupid, illogical, inefficient things, humans, get use to it......
all of us wear masks...
they can be worn out of love and the desire to remain close to those around us....
to spare them from the complicated reality of our frayed psyches.....
we trade honesty for companionship....
and in the process never truly know the hearts closest to us.....

i wish i had more friends...but people are such jerks....
if you can just get most people to leave you alone.... you are doing good.....
if you can find even one person you really like.... you are lucky....
and if that person can also stand you.... you are really lucky...
what if you find someone you can talk to while you smoke cigarette on a bright sunday morning?....
well, yeah...
i suppose there's no point in getting greedy, is there?....
am i at peace with myself?....
am i still under scotoma influences?....
are my dopamine in my caudate nucleus is low?...

to say it out loud that i hate this word ..... it something .........