Death

you know how i hate roommate right.....this couple of month death is like my roommate....im not saying im suicidal or im thinking about death or experience with death....but couple of friends and family around me are passed away.... at first i dont really give a damn about it... because im not really that close to those people..... one guy used to be close to me... but that a long time ago....and others... some we used to hang out and some were distant cousin or relative....i never have anybody that very close to me died.... except my arwah opah.....when she died at first i dont have this sadness or grieve feeling toward the news.... maybe it because im not there when she passed away .... im somewhere else.... but when i saw the body of arwah ..... only god know how i felt....all the emotions start to show little by little....you start to think what if?....why dont i spend more time with her?....why dont i call her more often?...thing like that a kept playing on your mind..... and i dont realize that there a tear coming from my eyes.... all the cliche about grieve were there..... actually you have been spoon fed with "appreciate those you love while they alive because any day will be their last" sort of thing..... in movies...books...from other people experience....but i dont really take that stories as a reminder.... as something to take note of....at the back of my mind i dont think that this thing will happen to me....it will happen.... but not to me.....that kind of egoistic make me regret more....all of this make me thinking...how do we live or life?....no matter how deep and fatal the loss.... no matter how important the thing that stolen from us....that snatched right out of our hands...even if we are left completely changed....with only the outer layer of skin from before.... we continue to play out our lives this way....in silence....we draw ever nearer to the end of our allotted span of time....bidding it farewell as it trails off behind.....repeating...often adroitly...the endless deeds of the everyday.....leaving behind a feeling of immeasurable emptiness.....so what can i do now?...most probally nothing....just think about what comes before words..... im owe that to the dead...... as time goes on....maybe i will understand.....what lasts... lasts... what doesnt... doesnt....time solves most things..... and what time cant solve.... i have to solve it myself.... is that too much to ask?....sure...a little maybe...well of course it does...i doubt that this makes sense to most people...... but I think im right..... people die all the time....life is a lot more fragile than we think..... so you should treat others in a way that leaves no regrets...... fairly... and if possible....sincerely....its too easy not to make the effort....then weep and wring your hands after the person dies......but that would be real hard...isnt it?....yes it does.....but its worth trying for.....

everything passes....nobody gets anything for keeps.....and that how we have got to live....

rest in peace guys.....al-fatihah....amen....